


Just Remember Who I Am in the Morning

by I_got_you_for_that



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Speculation I guess? Mostly just wishful thinking, post 6x06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 15:32:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19231972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_got_you_for_that/pseuds/I_got_you_for_that
Summary: In the midst of his grieving, Bellamy stumbles upon Josephine. Or rather, she stumbles *into* him... with a nosebleed.(or: Bellamy finds hope)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Bellarke fic so don't judge too harshly please <3 I just needed more post-6x06 fics to cope

Bellamy can't stand being anywhere near Murphy right now. He can't even stand the sight of him, sitting at the bar without a care in the world. Must be nice to be a selfish dick with no conscience. It's not helping matters that Echo is just standing nearby like some soldier, rather than making any attempt to comfort Bellamy. _'Doesn't matter'_ , he thinks to himself. It's not like she can give him what he needs. He needs Clarke. How cruel a joke is that? The only person who could possibly comfort him through his grief right now is the one he lost. That's not even the worst part though. No. No, the worst part is watching that sociopath walk around using Clarke's body. Grieving feels impossible when he has to see Clarke's corpse walking around and talking. Thinking of the monster walking around in Clarke's body reminds him that she and Murphy have become fast buds. She could walk in at any moment. The thought alone is enough incentive to get the hell away from there. Bellamy shoves off from the table he was sitting at and walks out of the bar.

He must be a masochist, because Bellamy's desire to get away drove him down to the lab. The lab where he watched that girl die and he was _terrified_ of that being Clarke. He recalls only being comforted by the fact that she had been standing right there with him. Safe. But she hadn’t been safe. Clarke was already gone. He should have known. Even if Clarke wasn't worried about herself, she would want to get Madi as far away from the Primes as possible.

Bellamy walks over to the monitor and opens the video file of Gabriel again. Watching what this girl went through, knowing it's what Clarke went through... it's devastating. Feels like someone is digging a knife into his chest and scraping out the pieces of his heart bit by bit.

He can't help but blame himself for not being there. It was only a moment. He took his eyes off her for just _one_ moment and that's all it took. She was so happy and carefree out on that dance floor. So beautiful, radiant, and glowing. At the time, he was struggling to ignore his desire to be the one out there with her, making her smile and holding her close. When Echo showed up, he knew. He just knew it would never be enough with her. He wanted to end things right there so he could go out on the dance floor and pull Clarke away from the doctor and into his own arms. He’d decided to stamp down those feelings in the moment, because it didn't feel like the right time. Clarke was out there smiling, having fun and he didn't want to risk ruining that for her. As a result though, his mood has been well and truly ruined, so he took it out on Echo. When she asked what was wrong, he’d lied and said he was thinking about Octavia on the Ark. It wasn't a good time to admit to Echo just how unimportant she was to him in comparison to Clarke. He'd decided that leaving Clarke to enjoy herself was the best course of action, but he should have stayed and followed his gut. If he had she would still be with him. Instead he left her. Again. And the next time he saw her... she was gone. Just like that. 

Watching the video of this girl and seeing what Clarke went through because of his carelessness is his penance for leaving her. They got too comfortable with the people of Sanctum too fast. They let their guard down. _Bellamy_ let his guard down. He should have known better. But now it's too late. He can't bring her back. When the video ends, Bellamy slouches forward, clutches his head in his hands and allows sobs to wrack his body. His grief hits him full force and it feels like the air has been sucked from his lungs. "I'm so sorry Clarke. I'm so sorry I- I should have been there. I-"

The door to the lab abruptly bursts open and Josephine comes stumbling in. She has Clarke's face, so his first instinct is to go to her. He jumps up and hurries over to steady her; holding her much like he did when she was running from Emerson all those years ago. The memory sends a jolt of pain through his heart, serving as a reminder that Clarke isn't there. Bellamy yanks his hands away from her as if he's been burned and Josephine pitches to the right at the loss of stability. She catches herself on a nearby table. Bellamy takes a look at her and sees black blood dripping from her nose. He scowls and takes a step toward her. "What the hell is going on?"

Josephine looks up at him with those cold eyes, so devoid of any warmth. So devoid of any... Clarke. "Your girlfriend is gonna to kill us both. She shouldn't have opened the damn door."

Bellamy feels his temper flare. If Echo tried to hurt Clarke’s body- he doesn’t know what to think of that. It’s not Clarke anymore, but he can’t seem to fathom the idea of hurting her either. "What door? What are you talking about? What did Ech-"

She cuts him off. "Not Echo you idiot. We both know who you really want. I've seen enough of her memories to know what you are to each other. No wonder you wanted to kill Dadd-". She cuts off on a gasp and falls to her knees, clutching her head.

As her words sink in, hope blooms in Bellamy's chest. _'But that's not possible. I saw the video. What they did to that girl. And Russel said-'_. Even as he thinks the words, he can't help but believe his gut is right. He shouldn't allow himself to hope, but he does. He latches onto that hope and clings to it like it's his last lifeline, because it is. He crouches down and tentatively reaches for Clarke, placing one his hand on her shoulder and using the other to gently tilt her chin up so she's looking at him. Josephine's cold eyes look back at him, but he doesn't allow it to discourage him. He has to try. "Clarke?" His voice cracks and her name comes out lower than a whisper. He clears his throat to try again. "Clarke? Are you in there?"

Josephine narrows her eyes at him and chuckles darkly. "I've been doing this a long time. She doesn't stand a chance. Nice try though." But she doesn't pull away. It's almost like she feels that magnetic pull he and Clarke have always had, and that gives Bellamy even more hope.

"Clarke listen to me. I need you. Please-", his voice breaks. Tears begin to pool in his eyes, "Please come back to me. Don't leave me again."

Josephine lets out another cruel laugh, but this one sounds weaker. Bellamy swears he saw a flash of something in her eyes before she blinked and it was gone.

"Remember how you left me before. You called me every day for six years and left me to die in the fighting pit. You promised you'd never forget."

"You may as well just give u-" Josephine tries to cut him off, but Bellamy moves the hand from her chin to cover her mouth. She's too weak to push him away.

"We're family Clarke. I need you to come back. I need you to fight so we can get her out of your head." He takes the hand off her shoulder and lays hit over her hand on her knee as he says the word which carries so much weight for them, " _Together_." Not a moment passes after he says that word when Clarke's eyes close and her body slumps so suddenly, Bellamy almost doesn’t catch her. But just as quickly, she jerks back up right. Her hand shoots out and grabs hold of Bellamy's arm. When she looks up, he knows before she even opens her mouth that it's her. He can see it in her eyes, the way they're searching his. The pure, raw emotion in those beautiful blue eyes is enough to make his heart skip a few beats. _How could he have ever mistook Josephine for Clarke?_

"Bellamy?" She sounds exactly like she did when she spoke to him for the first time after six years of believing she was dead. Hearing his name from her lips like that yanks him out of the momentary daze he fell in.

"Clarke? Is it you?" He doesn't really have to ask, but he needs to hear it. He needs her to confirm it with her words. Needs to hear more of _her_ voice.

"Yeah Bellamy, it's me." She leans into his hand cupping her cheek. He hadn't even realized he’d moved. One of her hands comes up and lays atop his on her face. She sighs and closes her eyes contentedly. When she opens them she has a determined look in them and she begins speaking quickly, "Bellamy, I don't know how long I can keep control so I need you to listen. If we don't find a way to get her out of my head, my brain will start hemorrhaging and I'll die. Y-“

"I won't let that happen. I won't lose you again Clarke. I can't-"

"Shhh." She places her finger over his lips gently. "Bellamy I'm right here. But I need you to listen to me. You need to take me to my Mom and Raven. Knock me out if you have to or- use a paralytic." She shivers. There's no time to ask her what that meant. He has to get her to Raven and Abby as soon as possible.

"Agh!" She pitches forward, clutching her head in her hands. Bellamy frantically starts running his hands over her back, unsure of what to do. "I can't hold her much longer." She pulls in a steadying breath and lifts her head to look in his eyes again. "But I have to say something, and I need you to let me say it. Please Bellamy?"

He nods.

She takes a shaky breath and lays her hands over his on her knees. "If I never see you again, I need you to know that- I love you." Her voice is barely above a whisper and her eyes are watering from the pain she's clearly in, but still she maintains eye contact. "I love you so much Bellamy. I should have said it back on Earth before-"

"Before I left you behind to die?" He purses his lips, wanting to say the words back but not feeling like he deserves to. He left her to die alone on a burning planet. And then he left her alone with a stranger on this unfamiliar planet and lost her all over again  

"Bellamy, I'm proud of you. For leaving. I never wanted you to feel bad about that. You had to save our friends. I wanted you to survive. I _needed_ you to survive, Bellamy. Do you hear me? I _needed_ you to live. I love you. I've loved you for so long. I was too scared to say it before. I tHooghly saying those words out loud to you would lead to lo-" she pauses to breathe through the pain in her head clutching Bellamy's arm with one hand and her head with the other"-losing you. Like I did Finn. Then I lost Lexa too and I just couldn't bring myself to say the words to-"

Bellamy surges forward and cuts her off, crashing his lips into hers. He knows he shouldn't, but he has to. He may never get the chance again before he ends it with Echo. In that moment he knows he has to end it no matter what happens to Clarke. It’ll never work. Nothing else will never be _this_. He's never felt this before with anyone, certainly not Echo. The kiss is needy and frantic, but it feels like coming home. Clarke nips at his lip and gives him one last soft, lingering brush of her lips then pulls back. It was quick and fleeting, but the moment couldn't last long. If they stayed wrapped up in each other now, he might lose her for good. Saving her life is his number one priority, but first.. "Clarke-", his voice is a husky rasp and Clarke shivers at the sound. "I love you too. So much. And there's a lot I want to say, but we have to save you first and get her out of your head. I just needed you to know- I should have said it a long time ago. And I don't plan on this being the last time I-"

Suddenly, Clarke lets out a pained gasp and collapses into him. Panic claws its way up his throat, but he calms himself enough to lay her down on the ground gently so he can shakily press two fingers over her pulse, checking for a heartbeat. It's faint, but it's there. That's enough to ground him. Scooping up her unconscious form, he heads for the door. He stops mid-step and turns to set Clarke down on the table, then quickly shoves four paralytics into his pockets, just in case he needs them for Josephine. He picks her up again and heads out the door, steadfast in his mission to save Clarke. He won't lose her again.

 _ **He can't**_.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy calls Raven on the radio to come up with a plan of action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry!! I just really wanted to throw in what I thought Raven's reaction might be.

 

 

Bellamy walks as fast as he can with Clarke's unconscious form in his arms. When he reaches his room, he lies her down gently on the bed and ties her hands to it, just in case Josephine wakes up. Picking up the radio, he turns the dial to the correct channel. "Raven? Raven can you hear me?"

Her response comes almost immediately. She must have been waiting nearby the radio. "Bellamy? What's going on? Where the hell have you been? I haven't heard from you in days."

  
Has it been days since they last spoke? He's lost track. Grief has been clouding the world around him. "That's not important. Raven, listen. Clarke-"

  
She scoffs, interrupting him. "Wants to help the psychos who think they're gods make more nightblood so they can keep stealing other people’s bodies? Yeah I know. She told me herself."

  
Bellamy sighs. Of course. She must have talked to Josephine. "No she-", he huffs out a frustrated breath. "You have to know Clarke would _never_ \- Raven that wasn't _Clarke_." He stops to let that sink in so she can process his words.

  
"What? Wait what are you talking about? Wh- What do you mean that wasn't Clarke? Are you trying to say-" She breaks off, her voice trembling with every word.

  
She clearly can't get the words out, so he fills in the blanks. "Am I trying to say that they stole Clarke's body? That they took her right from under our noses and wiped her mind so they could put their sociopath daughter in her head? Yeah that's exactly what I'm saying. But Raven, listen-"

  
"Listen?? You want me to- god c- can you give me a second Bellamy? You just told me Clarke's _dead_ , Bellamy. Again. She- I-", Her voice cracks painfully. _'Nice to know she still cares.'_ Bellamy considers letting her believe it for a moment longer so she can really feel the loss. She's been especially cruel to Clarke lately, but there's no time for playing games and he knows Raven loves her. Clarke is an easy person to blame for everything when you don't have another outlet for your pain. She takes it in stride too. Just thinking about how she allows the people she cares about to use her as a verbal punching bag makes Bellamy want to hug her and apologize for his cruel words all those years ago. ~~_'_ People _die_ when you're in charge.'~~ He wishes more than anything that he could take those words back. Well almost more than anything. Right now the thing he wants most is Clarke back and to smash Josephine's chip to bits and burn it.

  
"Raven, Clarke isn't dead. I thought she was. I- I mourned her all over again." Bellamy's throat constricts at the memory. He turns to look at Clarke lying on the bed and fights back the tears threatening to spill over. _'She's not dead. She's still in there'_ , he reminds himself. The thought brings saving Clarke back to the forefront of his mind and he shakes himself out of it to continue. "Clarke's not dead, but if we don't do something soon she will be. Listen, they didn't do the mind-wipe right. Clarke is still in there, trying to fight her way out. I talked to her, Raven. She could only hold control for a few minutes, but she's definitely in there. I need your help to save her. You and Abby are my only hope." He should have said _Clarke's_ only hope, but Clarke  _is_ his hope.

She takes a breath and lets out a shaky sigh of relief. "Okay. Okay, what do you need me to do?"

"I need you to bring the ship back down to get us. But not right away, I don't want to tip them off before I can get Clarke to the ship. Wait for me to radio. But first I need to know if you think you and Abby can figure out a way to get the chip out of her head? If not, then we need a different plan. We don't have a lot of time. She said her brain would start hemorrhaging soon if we don't do something. Please tell me you can do it I-"

"Bellamy", she says his name softly, but with surety, "it's Clarke. I'll find a way. Worst comes to worst, we can put her in cryo until we figure it out. But Bellamy, we _will_ figure it out. I won't lose her again. I care about her too you know. I've been- well to be blunt, I've an ass to her lately. I know. And I'm sorry for that. But I won't let anything happen to Clarke. Trust me."

He nods in affirmation, then realizes she can't see him. "Okay Raven. It might take me a while to get Clarke to the drop site, so just wait until I radio you. I'll call as soon as we're close."

"I'll fill Abby and Emori in while I wait. We'll be ready to go when you call. Bellamy, we'll get Clarke back. I promise."

"I know Raven. I trust you. See you in a bit." He hooks the radio onto his belt loop and turns to face Clarke just in time to see her stir. Grabbing one of the paralytics out of his pocket, he makes his way over. Despite knowing it probably wouldn't be Clarke, he still feels a pang of disappointment in his chest when her lids lift and it's Josephine's cold eyes staring back. Not giving her the chance to utter a word, he plunges the paralytic into her leg. 


End file.
